A style for every taste

I am terrified of getting old. It's the most frightening thing I can imagine. It's not even a fear of death. I don't want to be an old man. I don't ever want to have trouble walking or talking. I never want to think that music is too loud, or technology is too confusing. I never want to feel like it's pointless to stay connected with society and culture.

More than anything, I think it's a distaste for relying on others. I've never been big on asking for help, and with rare exception, I do not believe I need people's sympathy. Maybe this comes from my often-inflated ego. Though I try to be courteous, polite, and respectful, I do truly believe I am better than most of the people I encounter on any given day. I always make sure that if I display my ego, it's done in a humorous way, so as to not offend, but typically the driving force behind the joke is, in my opinion, truth. For the most part, I do my best to never sincerely appear conceded. For me, it's good enough that I'm aware of the truth (this is likely also due to my ego). Part of me is afraid that if I get older and lose the ability to do things I easily do today, I will lose the sense of myself that I've developed.

I sometimes tell myself that I can do things differently and never reach those points, but there are plenty of times I have doubts about it. Because of this, there are times where I hope I die young. As crazy as it may sound, the thought of never reaching a point past my peak is unusually comforting. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life and would never remotely consider dying sooner than "my time". Sometimes I just hope "my time" comes before I start falling apart.

Well, that was bright and cheery. I'll leave it on a brighter note: burritos are delicious.

- Jeff